I have a carefully calculated response to stress and negative emotions. That response? Flowers. The more stressed or sad or emotional I’m feeling, the more flowers there are. And friends, my vase is full this week. I even splurged on the peonies.
We all react differently to stress and negative emotions. Some people grit their teeth, some go for a run, some cry under the sheets. I buy myself flowers…. and sometimes ice cream. This week, I bought both. Plus the chips.
Over the last several months my body has been telling me to chill the heck out. When I wouldn’t listen, my body fought back with ulcers. When I still wouldn’t listen, I broke out in hives for six days straight. Somewhere along the way, I’m pretty convinced we had another angel baby. The doctor seems to think so, too.
Why am I telling you this? Good question. Because like me, I know that I’ve got friends out there in this vast universe who are also struggling. Who also feel stressed and alone and desperately need a margarita with their friends and a 35 hour nap. Who have also come to the conclusion that somethings got to give.
I’ve got a sink full of dirty dishes, it’s June and I’m not done spring cleaning yet, I finally just cancelled a medical test that I’ve rescheduled 3 times already because I just can’t find the time, I’m 6 months late on starting my new years resolutions, and I almost polished off that pint of ice cream last night. Please tell me that you can relate. Please?
Here’s the thing, I’ve been trying so hard to bare these burdens alone. Though my perfect, wonderful husband tries to lighten the load, I just won’t let him. Though my perfect, wonderful God has already sacrificed for me, I continue to try to manage alone. But why?
Why do we choose to struggle? Why do we choose to be in pain? Why do we grit our teeth and power through expecting a different outcome tomorrow? All the while, chipping away another piece of our soul. I don’t have the answers as to why. I don’t even have the answers as to how to change. What I do know is this – Jesus DIED for us. He released us from the pain and burdens of this world. We (I) need to remember that, and recognize that, and stop ignoring that.
So with an open heart and an open mind, I open myself to change. I open myself to new adventures and new opportunities that are a better fit for my heart and my soul. Maybe these burdens are not mine to bare, and maybe this is not what God intended for me. I can’t know what God has planned for me, but I can be open to whatever He has in store. Whether that’s a change in atmosphere or a change of heart, He’ll guide me to it. Until then, I’ll surround myself with flowers.
If you are also struggling with your purpose in life, I’d love for you to reach out to me. We can support one other on this journey. Let’s get coffee sometime. Or water ’cause ya know… ulcers…